Love Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

I can't get no respect.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I don't get no respect

— Rodney Dangerfield

I have three kids, one of each.

— Rodney Dangerfield

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

— Rodney Dangerfield

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

— Rodney Dangerfield

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'

— Rodney Dangerfield

She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

— Rodney Dangerfield

If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?"…

— Rodney Dangerfield

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him … If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said…

— Rodney Dangerfield

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't…

— Rodney Dangerfield

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

— Rodney Dangerfield

Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could…

— Rodney Dangerfield

It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

— Rodney Dangerfield

After I got divorced, I said to myself, I will never, ever get married again. It was in cement. I went through…

— Rodney Dangerfield

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen…

— Rodney Dangerfield