She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?"… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
After I got divorced, I said to myself, I will never, ever get married again. It was in cement. I went through… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
