My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I just had a mirror put over my… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
