For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size). — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
