I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out". — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
