Life Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Life is just a bowl of pits.

— Rodney Dangerfield

Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

— Rodney Dangerfield

You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.

— Rodney Dangerfield

It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

— Rodney Dangerfield

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

— Rodney Dangerfield

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

— Rodney Dangerfield

You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred.

— Rodney Dangerfield

Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our…

— Rodney Dangerfield

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror…

— Rodney Dangerfield

I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I…

— Rodney Dangerfield

I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it…

— Rodney Dangerfield

A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's…

— Rodney Dangerfield

My life is nothing but pressure. All pressure. This pressure is like a heaviness. It's always on top of me, this heaviness.…

— Rodney Dangerfield