I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you." — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My life is nothing but pressure. All pressure. This pressure is like a heaviness. It's always on top of me, this heaviness.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
