Kids Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I have three kids, one of each.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

— Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

— Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.

— Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with…

— Rodney Dangerfield

Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."

— Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin'…

— Rodney Dangerfield

Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think…

— Rodney Dangerfield

Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front…

— Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note…

— Rodney Dangerfield

Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open…

— Rodney Dangerfield

My life is nothing but pressure. All pressure. This pressure is like a heaviness. It's always on top of me, this heaviness.…

— Rodney Dangerfield

We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the…

— Rodney Dangerfield

I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect.…

— Rodney Dangerfield

My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits…

— Rodney Dangerfield

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.

— Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.

— Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to…

— Rodney Dangerfield

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out…

— Rodney Dangerfield

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

— Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On…

— Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

— Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play…

— Rodney Dangerfield

My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.

— Rodney Dangerfield