My wife Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move.…

— Rodney Dangerfield

My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me…

— Rodney Dangerfield

Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either.…

— Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I…

— Rodney Dangerfield

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

— Rodney Dangerfield

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

— Rodney Dangerfield

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

— Rodney Dangerfield

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

— Rodney Dangerfield

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to…

— Rodney Dangerfield

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

— Rodney Dangerfield

...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me…

— Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight…

— Rodney Dangerfield

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it…

— Rodney Dangerfield