God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
What keeps faith cheerful is the extreme persistence of gentleness and humor. Gentleness is everywhere in daily life, a sign that faith… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“What would people think?' Jesus said that people think all sorts of things. The human mind is like a cloud of gnats.… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“Free enterprise runs on self interest. This is socialism and it runs on loyalty . . . if people were going to… — garrison keillor Copy Share Image
“I can see how I could write a bold account of myself as a passionate man who rose from humble beginnings to… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Some people think it is difficult to be a Christian and to laugh, but I think it's the other way around. God… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
