“That's the news from Lake Woebegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I like to sing and it's just really fun to sing, and I don't get too much. And at my house I'm… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Children can find other children to be pals. Children need fathers to be fathers. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking and all the children are above-average. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Parents should sit tall in… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
It's important for survival that children have their own experiences, the kind they learn from. The kind their parents arrange for are… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Cleverness is a burden after that. You are supposed to settle down and be a good person, raise your children, and be… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Forget what you learned about poetry in school. (That it's complex, opaque, a problem to be solved in 1500 words by tomorrow.)… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
