A boy wrote me once to say that he loved it when the news from Lake Wobegon came on the radio because… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Never insult a writer. You may find yourself immortalized in ways you may not appreciate. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
It was a pleasure to have somebody else be the boss. It wouldn't have been nearly as much fun any other way.… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Don't tear up the page and start over again when you write a bad line-try to write your way out of it.… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Some people think it is difficult to be a Christian and to laugh, but I think it's the other way around. God… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The audience is invisible and that's good. Somewhere my voice is drifting through a swine barn and the sound of it seems… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I think there's a lot of power in listening to one person talking to you. And this should never be underestimated.One person… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
When writing loses touch with the beautiful surface of the world, it loses its way. You always want to be in touch… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon, and that's probably one reason why we get along… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
When the New Yorker turned down work, they turned it down in such an elaborately gentlemanly way making apologies for their own… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
