Most men are prisoners at best, Who some strong habit every drag about Like chain and ball. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Vacation cruises are advertised as luxurious journeys to exotic places, but a chief pleasure is the reading of books ... . On… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
When it comes to finding available men in Minnesota, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I was brought up imagining that cream rises to the top, merit wins out, the race is to the swift and riches… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Enough. Man is capable of reform once presented with the facts, and the fact is that bottling water and shipping it is… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The mass of men lead lives of shallow happiness; the superior man exults in his gloom. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
She gave him such a look... Man oh man, if looks could kill. That one might have totalled a city block. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
A man can't eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I am a cheerful man, even in the dark, and it's all thanks to a good Lutheran mother. . . . Mother… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Some people have a love of their fellow man in their hearts, and others require a light anesthetic. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
We carry adolescence around in our bodies all our lives. We get through the Car Crash Age alive and cruise through our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
