Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is Democratic bedrock: we don't let people lie in the ditch and drive past and pretend not to see them dying.… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Have interesting failures.... If you need to have a personal crisis have it now. Don't wait until midlife, when it will take… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Powdermilk biscuits: Heavens, theyre tasty and expeditious! Theyre made from whole wheat, to give shy persons the strength to get up and… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Bravery and adventure! That's the ticket! Don't sit and gather moss. Get up, get out, do what you dream of doing, and… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I can write anywhere. I write in airports. I write on airplanes. I've written in the back seats of taxis. I write… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Children can find other children to be pals. Children need fathers to be fathers. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
We English majors...need to promote public libraries as a tool in the war against terror. How many readers of Edith Wharton have… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
