People do what they are told not to do. It happens time and time again. Here on the frozen tundra, it is… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
What keeps faith cheerful is the extreme persistence of gentleness and humor. Gentleness is everywhere in daily life, a sign that faith… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Take care of your friends. Because there will come a time when you'll be no good to anyone, and the only reason… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice to know where you… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is Democratic bedrock: we don't let people lie in the ditch and drive past and pretend not to see them dying.… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I grew up in a fundamentalist protestant family that stressed that we were a select people and so we were to avoid… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
A boy wrote me once to say that he loved it when the news from Lake Wobegon came on the radio because… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Sometimes you have to avoid mentioning things because people's feelings are tender. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Have interesting failures.... If you need to have a personal crisis have it now. Don't wait until midlife, when it will take… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
People in cars cause accidents and accidents in cars cause people. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The greatness of America is that it produces exuberant geniuses like Louis Armstrong and Fred Astaire and Leonard Bernstein. We are meant… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
It was a pleasure to have somebody else be the boss. It wouldn't have been nearly as much fun any other way.… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
A person does feel sheepish picking on journalists, a class already so richly despised that if a planeload of them crashed in… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I feel it's so hard for young actors; It's a different world that they're coming up in; there's so much money to… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Librarians, Dusty, possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on God's green earth.… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
You now have learned enough to see That Cats are much like you and me And other people whom we find Possessed… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Some people think it is difficult to be a Christian and to laugh, but I think it's the other way around. God… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment; you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
