I'm of an age when if I started to do eulogies, I'd be doing nothing else. You don't want to be remembered?… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
You don't want to get that sort of sound in your writing that boing that gives you away. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Just because we're fictional characters doesn't mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you want.--the people of Lake Woebegon — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment; you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
When writing loses touch with the beautiful surface of the world, it loses its way. You always want to be in touch… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Minnesota is a state of public-spirited and polite people, where you can get a good cappucino and eat Thai food and find… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
A person cannot coast along in old destructive habits year after year and accept whatever comes along. A person must stand up… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Writing is the main gig and teaching and performing are sidelines, an excuse for not writing more. Working on a novel and… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I love New York, and I'm drawn to a certain intensity of life, but I've just never felt like I want to… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
