There's no mastery to be had. You love the attempt. You don't master a story any more than you master a river.… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
A person does feel sheepish picking on journalists, a class already so richly despised that if a planeload of them crashed in… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I feel it's so hard for young actors; It's a different world that they're coming up in; there's so much money to… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
As a former English major, I am a sitting duck for Gift Books, and in the past few years I've gotten Dickens,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I am a cheerful man, even in the dark, and it's all thanks to a good Lutheran mother. . . . Mother… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I love rhymes; I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon, and that's probably one reason why we get along… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
When the New Yorker turned down work, they turned it down in such an elaborately gentlemanly way making apologies for their own… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
