This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
What keeps faith cheerful is the extreme persistence of gentleness and humor. Gentleness is everywhere in daily life, a sign that faith… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Nothing that readers say or do strikes me as a nuisance. Anyone who cracks open a book of mine is, to me,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Vacation cruises are advertised as luxurious journeys to exotic places, but a chief pleasure is the reading of books ... . On… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
IMPORTANT Book reading is a solitary and sedentary pursuit, and those who do are cautioned that a book should be used as… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
There was a price to be paid for being interested in fiction and in writing, pushing my family away. Books and authors… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I was afraid you had deceased,' he said. 'Or gotten engrossed in a long book. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
We are great mysteries. No matter what we imagine we may know, even for all the facts we might gather, we don't… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Minnesota is a state of public-spirited and polite people, where you can get a good cappucino and eat Thai food and find… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
As a former English major, I am a sitting duck for Gift Books, and in the past few years I've gotten Dickens,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
We English majors...need to promote public libraries as a tool in the war against terror. How many readers of Edith Wharton have… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
People meet writers and are bowled over when the writer is friendly to them and invites them to his house for a… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
A romp in the hay lingers like the first line of a song, but your true love is the one you make… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
