Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Secret of life is to go through something harrowing that doesnt kill you...and to love one woman for the rest of your… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
... life itself is brief, and that is what charges the day with such ridiculous beauty. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
In California virtually everyone has had their teeth whitened. If they all smiled at once, they would give us a headache. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“Hurry up! Do it – get it done. You got work to do. Don’t put this off and don’t take the long… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
