Comedy Quote by Chelsea Handler Download Open image “Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.” — Chelsea Handler ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 2.5 out of 5 (5 ratings) Copy quoteShare Comedy Funny Reason Two
To call you excrement would be an insult to the product of my bowels. — Clive Barker Copy Share Image
In life, when what has happened happens to you, you don't digest it. — Gennaro Gattuso Copy Share Image
Every living body continuously eliminates feces, it rejects what is not serviceable to the assimilating organism: what man despises, what arouses his disgust, what… — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
It is not fun to eat something and then just throw it back up.. glad I got over my illness — Stark Copy Share Image
I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge. — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
We have to do whatever we can to ensure that no child dies of diarrhea. — Chelsea Clinton Copy Share Image
What a lot of people didn't realize was I had stomach problems, which made it hard for me to digest food. — Uriah Hall Copy Share Image
If this is something you'd truly like to work on, not out of a sense of guilt but because you would enjoy occasionally reciprocating,… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
After all the throwing up, I would starve myself. Which meant eating lettuce and water for two and a half months. I almost lost… — Richard Simmons Copy Share Image
Shit happens, doesnt it? It sucks; it stinks; it makes you sick to your stomach. Sometimes its so bad, shits seems to run through… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second¦ or the fifth. Ill just… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“It was quite obvious that without severe behavior modification, this boy would grow up to be a serial killer.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
'Mad TV' is one of my most favorite shows of all time and is a huge part of my obsession with sketch comedy. — Shane Dawson Copy Share Image
In the future, I would like to do more films with contemporary themes. Perhaps comedy, which is something I have done in theater but… — Luke Evans Copy Share Image
“Men circle like bees around honey, buzzing to communicate their sexual despair.” — Carla H Krueger Copy Share Image
You can't cheat comedy. You know, it either is going to be there on the day you capture or it's not. — Justin Lin Copy Share Image
I think if I have any kind of unique gift, it's more in the comedy area than it is in the dramatic area. — Susan Sullivan Copy Share Image
I always worked on holidays when I had to wait tables and stuff like that, so I'm used to it, but now I just… — Chris Redd Copy Share Image
There's nothing like the energy in a small comedy club room or a small theater when it's going really well. I can see everybody's… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
