If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Someone's killed 100,000 people. We're almost going, "Well done! You killed 100,000 people? You must get up very early in the morning!… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Comedy is like a very cokey, druggy sugar. You get hits of comedy, and it's very, "More, give me more of that… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Well, comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
It all bottomed out with the Renaissance Period. Ren-ais-sance. Thats Renaissance, FRENCH for re-birth. Re-nais-sance. And thats why most of the Renaissance… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
For me to put a look together, if it's going to be a boy look or a girl look or whatever, is… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything When is a house a house? Just… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Drama is a complete meal, vitamins, proteins, carbohydrates. It's a slow burn thing. It's got an arc. Comedy is more like coke. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
There's two positions in snowboarding. One is looking cool and the other is DEAD! — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Makeup's just crazy, anyways. Native Americans used to wear it, and it did all right for them until, uh ... well, until… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete! — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
[Mock singing] And shall my sword sleep in my hand [Speaking] NOT a good idea, youre gonna roll over and cut your… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both ... different. In spelling. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I felt audiences are happier to take comedy people who play darker people because there's a link between the psychosis of comedy… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
The bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of drama is to be truthful. You can be… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Charles Darwin wrote a famous book in 18 gibberish. And that book was an interesting book, cuz it was called "Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-You" — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
No matter how much makeup I wore, people just kept saying "Yes, sir! Would you like tea with that, sir?" "Yes, I… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don't want to do mincing steps. And there… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
“You know, I don't believe that religions are religions. No, I believe they are philosophies with some good ideas and some fuckin' weird ones.” — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I don't believe in God. I believe gods and devils are within us. It's our own battle. Our life's battle is to appeal to… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
“If you are an LGBT+ person and you come out, you have to go through your knight’s quest to create ground for yourself, to… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
This is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard flight...one, from...here to there. We'll be cruising at a height of ten feet, going up to twelve… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
You have the American dream! The dream is to be born in a gutter and grow up, and then get all the money in… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Because we all know one of the main factors of war is the element of surprise. And what could be more surprising than the… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
We have two hundred languages in Europe. Two hundred languages! Count them! I know you won't! — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
![“[Mock singing] And shall my sword sleep in my hand…” quote by Eddie Izzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/9cb/eddie-izzard-1732_comedy_mock-singing-and-shall-my-sword-sleep-in_2854414.jpg)
