I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, "Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
But comedy is like music, it appeals to some people. Some people like Creed, those people are usually pretty stupid. But they… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, "What the hell is this? This person's happy!" You need internal conflict.… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey.… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
It's fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don't really do a character thing in stand-up. It's just… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I don't really have a pattern yet. I don't know if I'll develop one. As far as comedic integrity, I don't have… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
It's fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don't play… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
American society loves to prop people up and then take them down. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
