I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship' — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!' — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people? — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
It's fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
But comedy is like music, it appeals to some people. Some people like Creed, those people are usually pretty stupid. But they… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, "What the hell is this? This person's happy!" You need internal conflict.… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven? — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me! — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
It's fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don't play… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
American society loves to prop people up and then take them down. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
