Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it. — Zach Galifianakis Bigs Copy Share Image
You write things that are of interest to you. There's no focus group. — Zach Galifianakis Focus Copy Share Image
I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy. — Zach Galifianakis Candy Copy Share Image
My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions. — Zach Galifianakis Failure Copy Share Image
I am not into publicity. I'm not good at it. I get anxiety about it. — Zach Galifianakis Anxiety Copy Share Image
That show, 'The Amazing Race' - is that about white people? — Zach Galifianakis About Copy Share Image
American society loves to prop people up and then take them down. — Zach Galifianakis American Copy Share Image
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese. — Zach Galifianakis Cheese Copy Share Image
Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He… — Zach Galifianakis Died Copy Share Image
I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble… — Zach Galifianakis Diarrhea Copy Share Image
You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies. — Zach Galifianakis Accepting Copy Share Image
My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name… — Zach Galifianakis Middle Copy Share Image
I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women. — Zach Galifianakis Dedicated Copy Share Image
I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates… — Zach Galifianakis Junkie Copy Share Image
My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people… — Zach Galifianakis Dad Copy Share Image
Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done. — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
You know, sometimes if you work - if you do a lot of takes and you work long hours, for me, at… — Zach Galifianakis Concern Copy Share Image
I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey.… — Zach Galifianakis Acting Copy Share Image
I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the… — Zach Galifianakis Acres Copy Share Image
I'm proud of The Hangover, but to be in movies like this, which are really the only places I can get work,… — Zach Galifianakis Art Copy Share Image
I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, "What the hell is this? This person's happy!" You need internal conflict.… — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
But comedy is like music, it appeals to some people. Some people like Creed, those people are usually pretty stupid. But they… — Zach Galifianakis Appeals Copy Share Image
'Baskets' isn't a CBS show. Nothing against that, but this is an off-kilter show on cable that the channel lets you do… — Zach Galifianakis Baskets Copy Share Image
People get TV deals by doing something in their grandmother's basement. It is definitely the wave. Everybody is trying to do all… — Zach Galifianakis Auditions Copy Share Image
I have never been much of a groomer. I take baths a lot, but I don't wear deodorant. I don't have to.… — Zach Galifianakis Advice Copy Share Image
It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison. — Zach Galifianakis Being popular Copy Share Image
You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker. — Zach Galifianakis Dry Copy Share Image
If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles. — Zach Galifianakis Blogs Copy Share Image
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver. — Zach Galifianakis Becoming Copy Share Image
I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks. — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
