It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison. — Zach Galifianakis Being popular Copy Share Image
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese. — Zach Galifianakis Cheese Copy Share Image
American society loves to prop people up and then take them down. — Zach Galifianakis American Copy Share Image
I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really… — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope… — Zach Galifianakis Disease Copy Share Image
Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!' — Zach Galifianakis Funny Copy Share Image
Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American… — Zach Galifianakis Agree Copy Share Image
I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit. — Zach Galifianakis Culture Copy Share Image
People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. — Zach Galifianakis Guilty Copy Share Image
I never really did the club stuff; I'm really kind of a wimp that way. I just stay mostly in Los Angeles… — Zach Galifianakis Club Copy Share Image
It was in the back of a hamburger joint in Times Square. I did a joke about not wanting to sleep on… — Zach Galifianakis Times square Copy Share Image
'Baskets' isn't a CBS show. Nothing against that, but this is an off-kilter show on cable that the channel lets you do… — Zach Galifianakis Baskets Copy Share Image
People get TV deals by doing something in their grandmother's basement. It is definitely the wave. Everybody is trying to do all… — Zach Galifianakis Auditions Copy Share Image
But comedy is like music, it appeals to some people. Some people like Creed, those people are usually pretty stupid. But they… — Zach Galifianakis Appeals Copy Share Image
I'm proud of The Hangover, but to be in movies like this, which are really the only places I can get work,… — Zach Galifianakis Art Copy Share Image
I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, "What the hell is this? This person's happy!" You need internal conflict.… — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the… — Zach Galifianakis Acres Copy Share Image
I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness. — Zach Galifianakis Bad language Copy Share Image
I am not really into porn. I have always wanted to go to a table read for a porn though. If I… — Zach Galifianakis Kitty Porn Copy Share Image
When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but… — Zach Galifianakis Cafeteria Copy Share Image
If I were 26 and this was happening, it would be all great, and I would probably buy like 17 Dodge Vipers.… — Zach Galifianakis Cars Copy Share Image
I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of… — Zach Galifianakis Advantage Copy Share Image
I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I… — Zach Galifianakis Anger Copy Share Image
I live in Los Angeles and I had been drinking one night, so I was on the walk of fame and I… — Zach Galifianakis Boss Copy Share Image
I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon.… — Zach Galifianakis Baby Copy Share Image
I've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with… — Zach Galifianakis Arriving Copy Share Image
My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't… — Zach Galifianakis Add Copy Share Image
I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy. — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
“Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, "Touch my vagina," and she's like, "What!" and I'm like, "That's… — Zach Galifianakis Whisper Softly Copy Share Image
You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also… — Zach Galifianakis Cerebral Copy Share Image
I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something. — Zach Galifianakis Constitutional Copy Share Image
Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done. — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people… — Zach Galifianakis Dad Copy Share Image
I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates… — Zach Galifianakis Junkie Copy Share Image
I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women. — Zach Galifianakis Dedicated Copy Share Image
I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and… — Zach Galifianakis Anger Copy Share Image
Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not… — Zach Galifianakis Busboys Copy Share Image
My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple… — Zach Galifianakis Charades Copy Share Image
Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He… — Zach Galifianakis Died Copy Share Image
You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies. — Zach Galifianakis Accepting Copy Share Image
