If there were a god, don't you think he would have flicked Hitler's head off? — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I don't subscribe to the theory that all politicians are crap. I think the 'cool people' often take that position. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Honey bees are amazing creatures. I mean, think about it, do earwigs make chutney? — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Cos people think I'm on drugs and I'm not. I'm really quite... Just a bit of coffee. When I take drugs I… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class? — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
All humans can do more than they think they can do. So I think we can all actually be more superhuman than… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
There's a thing about trying too hard, which I think is in all forms, which is if you really try to do… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
If you think about determination, if people have a heart and are determined, they can get to that place. But there are… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Cause Jesus I do think did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area,… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
You notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking 'this is… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
My dad said, "As long as you're happy." I used to think it was kind of a very simple idea or philosophy… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I use a Bruce Lee technique: 'The way of no way.' He had the idea that he would learn everything, so that… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Cause if you're a transvestite, you're actually a male tomboy, that's where the sexuality is. Yeah, it's not drag queen, no; gay… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
The Death Star is just full of British actors opening doors and going,Oh... I... oh... What is it Lieutenant Sebastian? It's just… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I'm quite good at taking in information so I voraciously inhale Wikipedia - which may have some things wrong in it, but… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I definitely have breast envy. When teenage girls were saying 'I wish I had breasts', I was thinking the same thing. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I've done your dog. It's got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Because that's what narcissism is all about; looking in the mirror everyday and thinking 'Damn, I'd like to shag myself.' — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do," but I think the gun helps, you know? I… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I remember when I was being told about Watergate, and I thought, "Oh, America is not what I think America is." But… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
But with dogs, we do have "bad dog." Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!" The dog… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I think I'm actually a mainstream, popcorn-eating kid. I've always been that, so I'd sit there watching action movies and American moves… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don't want to do mincing steps. And there… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
“You know, I don't believe that religions are religions. No, I believe they are philosophies with some good ideas and some fuckin' weird ones.” — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I don't believe in God. I believe gods and devils are within us. It's our own battle. Our life's battle is to appeal to… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
“If you are an LGBT+ person and you come out, you have to go through your knight’s quest to create ground for yourself, to… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever. — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
This is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard flight...one, from...here to there. We'll be cruising at a height of ten feet, going up to twelve… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
You have the American dream! The dream is to be born in a gutter and grow up, and then get all the money in… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
Because we all know one of the main factors of war is the element of surprise. And what could be more surprising than the… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
We have two hundred languages in Europe. Two hundred languages! Count them! I know you won't! — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
