It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
You just be honest about who you are, and if you dont end up with any friends, then good for you. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs.… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month? — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Most men would never tell a girl her Pikachu smells like a crab cake. It's just not done. But they would have… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' -- always fun to be around but she… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“Sleep is my friend and is the only place in this world where I don’t get into fights with other people.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second¦ or the fifth. Ill just… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“It was quite obvious that without severe behavior modification, this boy would grow up to be a serial killer.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
![“I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters” quote by Chelsea Handler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/466/chelsea-handler-887_down-and_i-had-to-sit-down-and-explain-to-her-fri_2442368.jpg)
