People always tell me I need to have a kid, and I say, No, I don't. Because I wouldn't have just one… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing.… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends like that, and I… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I probably do the most for the gay and lesbian community, or LGBT, but I don't have one that I focus on.… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It would be nice if everybody were a little bit more mindful of what kind of product you're putting out there. Nothing's… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
We set up a bakery called Bad Boy Bakery, to cook on the inside to sell on the outside. It was huge,… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' -- always fun to be around but she… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV] for children and for people. It makes people feel like they all… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“This kind of mixing of ingredients happens all the time at fast-food places... You know when you order french fries and there's… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think everyone's afraid of public speaking. There have been times where I've come out of my own show and been like,… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Absolutely I'm going to be talking about it, because it's in the zeitgeist and it's happening. It's an election year. It's the… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second¦ or the fifth. Ill just… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“It was quite obvious that without severe behavior modification, this boy would grow up to be a serial killer.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
![“It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV] for children and for people. It makes people feel like they all want to be famous for no reason.” quote by Chelsea Handler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/0a8/chelsea-handler-887_children_it-s-also-a-terrible-kind-of-sentiment-r_3015475.jpg)
