It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
You know what they say, when one door closes, another Belvedere opens. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I got a vibrator that needed two nine volt batteries. What am I - R2D2? I don't know what to do with… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me? — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“This kind of mixing of ingredients happens all the time at fast-food places... You know when you order french fries and there's… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I have no idea why gay men love me, but I would have to assume it's because they know how much I… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them.… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
People who have experience and credentials, they should be talking about that [Donald Trump presenting on TV]. I know everybody cares about… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think when I envisioned my documentaries, what I wanted to do when I left, I had no business doing those documentaries.… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Who's the president on the $100 bill? I don't know. I don't need to know because I don't use cash. I only… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Everyone is coming from a place of fear and my feeling is stop being so afraid. If something doesn't work then that's… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved.… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think the people in your life are the people that - when you can make other people happy and you can… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second¦ or the fifth. Ill just… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“It was quite obvious that without severe behavior modification, this boy would grow up to be a serial killer.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
![“[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.” quote by Chelsea Handler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/031/chelsea-handler-887_being-bullied_gordon-ramsay-knows-about-being-bullied_202406.jpg)
![“People who have experience and credentials, they should be talking about that [Donald Trump presenting on TV]. I know everybody cares about ratings, but come on. The whole world is watching.” quote by Chelsea Handler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/a96/chelsea-handler-887_care_people-who-have-experience-and-credentia_1757015.jpg)
