“Kobe beef is not named after Kobe Bryant. Do not make this mistake.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It became clear when I got in my car that Persians are only really good for two things. Oil and hummus. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I don't think the problem is telling people you're on a diet. The problem is eating ice cream for breakfast. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“This kind of mixing of ingredients happens all the time at fast-food places... You know when you order french fries and there's… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think being able to have follow-through, I think a lot of people who are in charge, that is the one quality… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
There's a difference between watching a chef show, which doesn't feel like a reality show compared to the Housewives. Those shows can,… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
We set up a bakery called Bad Boy Bakery, to cook on the inside to sell on the outside. It was huge,… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second¦ or the fifth. Ill just… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“It was quite obvious that without severe behavior modification, this boy would grow up to be a serial killer.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
