“My body had some sort of reaction to my erection, and the only thing I could think to do was vigorously rub… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There were yogurt-colored clouds that afternoon, and I was there, blotting out your sun with a spoon.” — Jarod Kintz Sun Copy Share Image
“Walk around with an open can of tuna in your pocket. You know, for a way to start conversations and offer strangers… — Jarod Kintz Absurd Copy Share Image
“Everybody knows love is a universal language, but not many people know it only has 22 letters. Love can say more with… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to wrap up all the love I have to offer you, so it’ll be easier for you… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If you ask me if I know how to speak Latin, I’ll say, “No, it’s all Greek to me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as man’s best friend, if you covered it in fur and taught it to bark and shit… — Jarod Kintz Best friend Copy Share Image
“I saw a bottle of conditioner the other day that said, "Family Size," and I thought, That's odd, I didn't know too… — Jarod Kintz Family Copy Share Image
“Some people work in the medical field, others in the legal field, while I work in the green field. Except in winter,… — Jarod Kintz Medical Field Copy Share Image
“I got him a cool gift. I got him a pack of razors, and a really furry dead cat.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Rather than change the content of my book, I changed the font. I think it made my book funnier.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“A candle that smells like asshole would be an instant hit in prison.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like transparent boxes, so would-be thieves can see what’s inside. Deception by invisibility—the walls are invisible, and that makes the contents… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The elevator wasn’t empty; it was full of fragrance. The perfume that lingered smelled like my past. Starting tomorrow, to focus on… — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“The event happened on my birthday. I don’t remember the date, I only know it was my birthday because there was no… — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“When the war comes, you’ll find me on the front line, with some crayons, coloring outside the lines.” — Jarod Kintz War Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I’ll be walking along, thinking, and I’ll kick up some dust and I’ll say, Whoa! That makes sense, and I’ll have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. Flowers were overflowing in the cemetery, so we decided to have a picnic there. You brought… — Jarod Kintz Apple pie Copy Share Image
“After my first coaching experience, the field looked more like Gettysburg than a normal defeat. But it wasn’t that bad, as only… — Jarod Kintz Failure Copy Share Image
“The canvas isn’t empty. It’s full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
