“Bosses are like assholes—everybody’s got one. Well, everyone except the unemployed. But still, bosses are like assholes, in that they are assholes. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to smash my bottled up rage, and a blanket could be laid down beforehand to catch the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to start a civil war. And then that same brick could be used to start building the… — Jarod Kintz Civil war Copy Share Image
“I carry all of my childhood memories in my mind. But maybe that’s not the best place for them. Well, you’ve got… — Jarod Kintz Childhood memories Copy Share Image
“I’m a thief. What can I say, I’ve got sticky fingers. I robbed a sperm bank. But I did it for the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I put gloves on before I put gloves on, so I don’t get my gloves dirty.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Respect is something that should be earned, like eyebrows shaped like windshield wipers in a stormy arcade evening. I like my respect… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When you're here, I'm there for you. And when you're there, I'm here for you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a Colorado boy at heart, even though my surrounding body is like the landmass containing the encircling 47 states. But I… — Jarod Kintz Hot and cold Copy Share Image
“Your food’s not getting cold. I’m keeping it warm in my stomach. Dinner’s on me tonight.” — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“An award winner recommended and commended someone’s work, and that someone later endorsed my work, so it’s like I’m an award winner… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like great music, but who doesn’t? Oh yeah, deaf people.” — Jarod Kintz Deaf people Copy Share Image
“No matter how hard I try, I can’t grow facial hair on my chest.” — Jarod Kintz Facial hair Copy Share Image
“My writing looks like it’s ten steps behind my mind, and racing to always catch up.” — Jarod Kintz Psychology Copy Share Image
“Love is a gift you receive by giving. The more love you give, the more love you get. Try it out today,… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Cats have the curiosity of a genius, while dogs have the intellect of a sack of manure covered in hair and mulch… — Jarod Kintz Best friend Copy Share Image
“Music is inaudible to deaf people, just as dancing is invisible to me.” — Jarod Kintz Dance Copy Share Image
“33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins.” — Jarod Kintz Giving birth Copy Share Image
“I’ll wipe a booger on your living room wall, not only to show I was there, but also to say thanks for… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I want to end my life by eating so much Viagra that I go out like that movie and Die Hard. If… — Jarod Kintz Die hard Copy Share Image
“It may be bad for you, but government has no role in dictating our lives. People should be free to imprison themselves.” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving a gift which you did not have… — Jarod Kintz Funny Copy Share Image
“My wife and I make love every night, sometimes even to each other.” — Jarod Kintz Every night Copy Share Image
