“I put the men in mental. Well, me and my clones do. Alone I just put in the man.” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“There’s a relentless wave of WTF coming out of Washington DC.” — Jarod Kintz Washington dc Copy Share Image
“If I had a street named after me, it would really put me on the map.” — Jarod Kintz Named Copy Share Image
“My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“I wear a jockstrap with my gun holster (loaded with fruits and vegetables).” — Jarod Kintz Fruits and vegetables Copy Share Image
“Spiders are my kryptonite. Also, neon green crystals are my kryptonite. ” — Jarod Kintz Spiders Copy Share Image
“If we built a boat out of our love, she’d build an ark, while I’d build a canoe.” — Jarod Kintz Boat Copy Share Image
“The most deadly combination known to man is low IQ and high testosterone.” — Jarod Kintz Deadly Copy Share Image
“My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.” — Jarod Kintz Guys Only Want One Thing Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to hide my shame and cover my insecurities. But so could a camouflaged condom. ” — Jarod Kintz Blanket Copy Share Image
“I run like I have cirrus clouds for legs and rainbow knees. What is life, if not a marathon of love? ” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“On a scale of 1 to extroverted, I’m a 3.14159. So is pi. I network like “the ratio of a circle's circumference… — Jarod Kintz Circle Circumference Copy Share Image
“A brick has ten holes in two rows lining the center—perfect so that you and nine of your friends can each stick… — Jarod Kintz Brick Copy Share Image
“When I have children I want an even number of boys and girls, and that’s why I want 15 kids—7 boys, 7… — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“What is the greatest mystery of the universe? The answer is brick. Or is it blanket? I forget which one.” — Jarod Kintz Physics Copy Share Image
“The canvas isn’t empty. It’s full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to show how patient you are. Somewhere between one brick and a million bricks lies a home.… — Jarod Kintz Brick Copy Share Image
“I conceal myself behind cynicism because it’s safe. Camouflage is more protective than body armor. Why do you think the Department of… — Jarod Kintz Camouflage Copy Share Image
“I asked her if she’d give me all her love, and she flatly said no. I got excited because while she said… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The idea of a belt holding my pants up seems so 20th century. Imagine a world where your pants are held high… — Jarod Kintz Wear Pants Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You asked how long I’ve loved you, and I replied, “About 5,280 feet.” It was true.… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“If you were running away from me, down a straight hallway with an oiled hardwood floor, and I had a machine gun… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“It was one-way glass, and I was on the inside and she was on the outside. She was looking at me with… — Jarod Kintz Confidence Copy Share Image
“This is the Los Angeles Lakers of sunsets. Purple and yellow, it reminds me of Larry Bird.” — Jarod Kintz Larry-bird Copy Share Image
“I am the melted cheese of desire. Please, feel free to double dip.” — Jarod Kintz Desire Copy Share Image
“I’m asking you not to do it. Can you do that for me? Can you do not doing it? ” — Jarod Kintz Asking Copy Share Image
“Behind the door lies the question: Have you ever heard of a thing called knocking?” — Jarod Kintz Door Copy Share Image
“If politicians lived to be only 30-years-old before dying, that’d still be 30 years too long.” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“The bullpen in a baseball park is the best place for matador training.” — Jarod Kintz Baseball Copy Share Image
“I’ll put an oven mitt on before I handle anything hot—including my penis.” — Jarod Kintz Oven Copy Share Image
“I picked up the knife to cut the melon, and then smashed it with my fist instead.” — Jarod Kintz Picked Knife Copy Share Image
“My name is Al, but it’s not Al Falfa. You can’t eat me, damnit. At least not legally.” — Jarod Kintz Legally Copy Share Image
“Inappropriate interview question #13: Can I call you Kitten Tits?” — Jarod Kintz Interview Copy Share Image
“If I were to come back in another life, I’d like to be reincarnated as my own clone.” — Jarod Kintz Another life Copy Share Image
“A pack of people came to see me. I say a pack because they were werewolves.” — Jarod Kintz Werewolves Copy Share Image
“I am the orangutan of love. OK, who am I kidding? I’m merely the love monkey.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I listen better with earplugs in, so I can see what your body is really saying.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t” — Jarod Kintz Edit Copy Share Image
