“Just don’t stand around and say, “Just don’t stand around.” That’s my job, and there can’t be two people circle working.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep yourself warm, and a blanket could be used in the construction of a house. But… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was eight when I moved to Florida, and I thought, “Oh great, the retirement capital of the world. I’ll be dead… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It was May 2009, and I didn’t like where the economy was headed. (I wished the Federal Reserve had a GPS or… — Jarod Kintz Economics Copy Share Image
“I’d say if you’re using an avocado facial mask before you go to sleep, don’t complain when I want to bring tortilla… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The worst book I’ve ever read is “Ulysses,” by Joyce, because like my undergraduate college degree, that’s nine and a half years… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“The girl I’m in love with told me she’s moving on. Should I cry or scream? Or should I make a new… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I can’t extrapolate a theory of what people would do based on the limited data set of what one person—myself—would do. That’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t list listening as one of my skills, probably because I didn’t hear what the interviewer asked.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“The man lying on the sofa seemed friendly. But how friendly could he really be if he was a liar? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He’s half blind,” Orafoura said. “Oh,” I said, “he’s only got one eye? They call that a Cyclops.” “No, he’s got two eyes,”… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to lure politicians to your side of an issue. Which is your side? Easy—the side I’m not… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“A pack of people came to see me. I say a pack because they were werewolves.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My lips touched hers, like two butterflies in the wind. Then I went home, cut off my eyelids, and I’ve been living… — Jarod Kintz Darkness Copy Share Image
“Do you mind if I use your bathroom? I haven’t made dinner yet.” — Jarod Kintz Psychology Copy Share Image
“I look at a woman’s shoes, not to tell how sexy she is, but to determine how sexy she feels.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the… — Jarod Kintz Central bank Copy Share Image
“I wrote this piece because my mailbox was full of bills, junk mail, and lettuce, but not a single letter from Andre… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only reason I don’t know more about love is because there just isn’t more to know. In fact, I’ve reduced love… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The only sad part for me about getting a cat from the pound is that I can only choose one. If I… — Jarod Kintz Animal shelter Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to do anything I have to do, even if I want to do it. Compulsion takes the fun out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“With one blanket, you and I could wrap up like a burrito. Yum. And if you want melted cheese, just fart a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Your cooking reminds me of a Special Olympics race. Reminds me of the time I came in third place. I should have… — Jarod Kintz Condom Copy Share Image
“There’s a new wine I want to try. I heard about it through the grapevine.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
