“Is a one foot by one foot piece of cloth a blanket? What about if you rotate it all over your body… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I let the feeling wash over me, and then I dried off with a fur coat and went for a walk on… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As a point of fact, the best apologies don’t come at the point of a sword, they come freely and of one’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I cut my hair so it looks like I just woke up all the time, so that I can be like, what… — Jarod Kintz Hairstylist Copy Share Image
“I make love sensually, and without the aid of a fancy recipe. I just open the box, add water, stir a bit,… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I like to use my influence for good, rather than evil. And in this case, the good is a free meal at… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“Fear is like a car. Either you control it, or you let it paralyze you.” — Jarod Kintz Fear Copy Share Image
“The business of business is people, not products or services. Take care of the people, and the people will take care of… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“Would you mind terribly if instead of serving desert, I masturbated quietly at the dinner table? I’m training for Congress.” — Jarod Kintz Dinner table Copy Share Image
“If you forget your manners, you can always borrow mine. I won't be using them.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m such a germaphobe that I think sanitation gloves should be thicker than boxing gloves.” — Jarod Kintz Boxing gloves Copy Share Image
“I don’t have time to kill you, and you don’t have time to die, because I’m not into redundancy, and you’re already… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“If love were a person, it would look like me, only taller. And more handsome. And quite likely more muscular too.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“And benefits? Just getting to breathe the same air as the distinguished guests that’ll scoff and sneer at me is more reward… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I say he has room to grow, but the bride in the canoe might say, “Groom to row.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We were engaged. Not to be married, but in combat. So same thing.” — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“A flower blooms in my heart. You may call that love, but I call it water conservation.” — Jarod Kintz Flowers Copy Share Image
“I wouldn't mind showering in the rain, if there weren't so many naked men holding umbrellas standing behind me. Who invited Congress?” — Jarod Kintz Rain Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to sell your winningest product to your loserest customer. Oh, loserest is a word. I know, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were the King’s official mapmaker, I’d also be the second largest landholder (after the King, of course). Would I own… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I do every other every other. That’s how thoroughly unthorough I am.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I give you an historical reference, am I dating myself? No, because the only way I could date myself is if… — Jarod Kintz History Copy Share Image
