“When I was a concierge, I didn’t want a guest’s gratitude. I wanted gratuity. A thank you and a warm smile are… — Jarod Kintz Gratitude Copy Share Image
“I once met an asexual unicycle, but I wasn’t wearing rubber gloves so I didn’t even try to pick it up. Ah,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People who die in Detroit and then go to hell probably think they’re in heaven. I know, because I’ve been to Cleveland. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One magnifying glass and one moonlit night is not enough to light her ant-like heart on fire. So I’ll just have to… — Jarod Kintz Heart on fire Copy Share Image
“I’ll wait until your mouth is full of food before I ask you a question. I’m like a dentist.” — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“If you’re thinking about killing someone, don’t. Not don’t kill them, but don’t think about it—just do it already.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Who art thou, Art? Do you make art the way I make love—with a paintbrush?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m world famous. Throughout the globe—north, south, east, and west—there are literally four people who know my name. It’s great to have… — Jarod Kintz Around the world Copy Share Image
“I’m famous for my Shepherd’s Pie. Here’s my recipe: lamb, potatoes, cheese, peas, paprika, and a wool-covered apron for the chef/shepherd/wolf-like politician… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“I used to live in a seedy section of town. There were a lot of farmers in the area.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover up my modesty. And used to cover up my nakedness. ” — Jarod Kintz Humility Copy Share Image
“Between was and is you’ll find me—but most of the time you’ll only find me in pictures.” — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“A haunted house could be used to teach the value of valuelessness to a group of zeroes. What else could appreciate a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I write my dreams down, I can relive my sleep when I am awake.” — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“If you were to stack up all the stupid things I’ve done, you couldn’t clean them with a thousand dishwashers.” — Jarod Kintz Stupid things Copy Share Image
“Don’t do something today you’ll regret for the next 10,000 tomorrows. No, you should have done that yesterday.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I couldn’t steal an idea. Not even if my clone came up with it. But I could steal your heart—even if my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a way to motivate yourself to succeed. I’m proof that it works. It’s how I managed… — Jarod Kintz Motivate yourself Copy Share Image
“I thought I did, but I guess I didn’t. But I did think I did, and it’s the thought that counts, right?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be utilized to teach the danger of procrastination. Ignoring the brick and pretending everything will work itself out is… — Jarod Kintz Procrastination Copy Share Image
Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world. — Jarod Kintz Inspirational Copy Share Image
“You’ll know the economy is dead when industry stops and escalators turn into stairs. That’ll be the day slinkies take over the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to wade into dangerous territory with a man named Wade who builds houses made only of wood.… — Jarod Kintz Fire Copy Share Image
“While I appear to be happy and giggling, rest assured that inside I am sad. And angry. Like that one time—Feb 14,… — Jarod Kintz Happiness Copy Share Image
