“Like a vibrator bolted on a bulldozer, I’m a regular sex machine.” — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“I’ll agree with you if you promise to argue with me. That’s what love is, right?” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to monitor earthquakes. If the brick crumbles apart, you can bet an earthquake occurred. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were to hold up a bank with my index finger and my thumb as the “gun,” then I hope I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Shakespeare asked what’s in a name. Well, each of my clones won’t be named the same as me, but they’ll be me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life isn’t so bad. I’m not fat (unless you’re Gandhi), I’m not short (unless you’re Goliath), and I’m not ugly (unless you’re… — Jarod Kintz James dean Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a floating object that dispensed fresh water, if only it were lighter and shaped like a… — Jarod Kintz Fresh water Copy Share Image
“I wish I had five wives, one for each day of the workweek. This would leave me the weekends to enjoy time… — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“I didn’t have time to bury the money. All my precious time was taken up burying the body. I should have left… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to rob a bank. Guns are so Bonnie and Clyde, but a blanket bank robbery has a… — Jarod Kintz Bank robbery Copy Share Image
“At the hospital, I won’t be in fair condition. I’ll be in unfair condition, and I’d appreciate it if you brought me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Im not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, Im dying my hair tonight. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the hero of all emotions. My love for you is a superhero, and it looks great hidden behind a mask.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I clench your love in my butt cheeks, along with all my hard-earned cash.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A writer edits his thoughts more thoroughly the more readers he has. You can tell I only have two readers, myself included.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“I went to Hallmark, but they don’t sell corridors there. I did, however, find a card that perfectly summed up our relationship.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be God’s gift to man (and woman), and we wouldn’t even know it because we’re all obsessed with iPads,… — Jarod Kintz Man and woman Copy Share Image
“If I were a cop, and I caught a criminal, I’d throw the book at them. A heavy book, like an unabridged… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“He flatters me because he knows I am flattered by him flattering me. And that flatters him. So when he flatters me,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t mock my dress. I’ve got a dance recital after work. You’re invited—but it’s bring your own erection. You can’t borrow mine,… — Jarod Kintz Dance Copy Share Image
“He was thoughtless, not because he was insensitive, but because I had just eaten his brain and his skull was empty.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What’s on my mind? I could say you, but we both know I'd be lying. Actually, I'm only pretending that you aren't… — Jarod Kintz Lying Copy Share Image
“John Nobody, a Nobody Inc. spokesperson, declined to comment. Or prove his existence or the existence of the company he may or… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“My last two girlfriends both had the same name—and they looked similar. One looked older than the other, but they were in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
