Funny facebook status Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 20

Just converted to a new religion. It's called idontgiveafuckism.

— Nikhil Saluja

If only forgetting a person was as easy as forgetting why I open the fridge...

— Nikhil Saluja

Every night when everyone's asleep, I grab my phone and I start reading all our old conversations.

— Nikhil Saluja

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

— Nikhil Saluja

A woman goes to a palm reader and hears that her husband will die a violent death. She asks, Will I be…

— Nikhil Saluja

Favstar is nothing but parallel universe for twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I follow you, don't tweet about your boyfriend because I'm your boyfriend until further notice.

— Nikhil Saluja

He'll never be better than he is on the first date. Unless he's rich and hasn't told you yet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes We ignore the obvious because we get too caught up in being hopeful.

— Nikhil Saluja

Alcoholic: A person you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

— Nikhil Saluja

On your mark, get set, go fuck yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, please help me find a match for this sock. What for? Are you going to set it on fire?

— Nikhil Saluja

Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your mixed up soul.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head.

— Nikhil Saluja

He had occasional flashes of silence, that made his conversation perfectly delightful.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you mess up a guy's hair, he thinks it's cute. But when you mess up a GIRL'S hair... I hope you…

— Nikhil Saluja

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

— Nikhil Saluja

My best tweets are when someone take them personnel & instantly unfollow me.

— Nikhil Saluja

When getting divorced remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sign in a vegetarian restaurant: All we are saying is give peas a chance.

— Nikhil Saluja

Cellphones are like a dog's nipples. You don't have to shout into them!

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're told you only have six months to live, immediately get married. It will make those six months seem like eternity.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, The triumph of imagination over intelligence;

— Nikhil Saluja

Just be yourself is great advice to maybe 12% of people.

— Nikhil Saluja

I started pooping 10 times a day because it's where I come up with my best tweets.

— Nikhil Saluja