Alcohol Quotes by Nikhil Saluja

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labour is still vivid.

— Nikhil Saluja

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

— Nikhil Saluja

PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

— Nikhil Saluja

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

— Nikhil Saluja

I still think that working hard is lame.

— Nikhil Saluja

VERBAL: Able to whine in words

— Nikhil Saluja

DROOLING: How teething babies wash their chins.

— Nikhil Saluja

PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms.

— Nikhil Saluja

STERILISE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

— Nikhil Saluja

BOTTLE FEEDING: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

— Nikhil Saluja

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

— Nikhil Saluja

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

— Nikhil Saluja

AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labour to have sex again.

— Nikhil Saluja

Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast.

— Nikhil Saluja

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the Hell Happened to your bra and panties.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I was an octopus, I would check my emails while I feed myself while I pick my nose while I masturbate…

— Nikhil Saluja

STOREROOM: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that Ex-lovers Are really dying for you to telephone them at four…

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are Tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

— Nikhil Saluja

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms.

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically Converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

— Nikhil Saluja

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

— Nikhil Saluja

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

— Nikhil Saluja

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

— Nikhil Saluja

My twitter timeline is way more impressive than my real life.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies don't be afraid to get naughty. Rock his world and leave him begging for more!

— Nikhil Saluja

All a woman really wants is to know you care. And all of the sandles ever made.

— Nikhil Saluja

Amazing how you can't get anything done when you do nothing.

— Nikhil Saluja

DEFENCE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.

— Nikhil Saluja

When I'm on my deathbed, the nicest thing anyone can say to me is, You were right about everything.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to hate people who wore Check shirts. Now I just hate everybody.

— Nikhil Saluja

In this country, alcohol is hardly ever seen as a drug problem. Instead, we think of it as more of a driving…

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are Laughing WITH you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some women need to walk around with a stripper pole to match their outfit.

— Nikhil Saluja

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel Gode.

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends Over And over again that you love them.

— Nikhil Saluja

WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

— Nikhil Saluja