THE AWKWARD MOMENT When you realize you're giving your pen a blowjob... — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Cloning seems like a good idea. I'd have much more time to come up with funny tweets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I start remembering all the times you told me you loved me and all the moments you took my breath away. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Every time I see 007 get a gadget in an old James Bond movie I'm like, My smart phone has that app. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For the 5th time: I don't wanna come to your cat's birthday party Freak! My dog is getting married that day! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't spend too much time on the bed, only prostitutes can make money there..So wake up! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Love Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There's just something wonderful about a cold, clear winter morning that makes you want to slow down and take time to stop… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In time you'll look back and realize some relationships weren't meant to be. Once you accept your new life, and freedom things… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Longest minutes ever: 1. Waiting on a text 2.) Waiting on your food to get out the microwave 3.) Commercials while watching a good show. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My friend said he didn't have time for Twitter like me, he has a job I replied shut the fuck up &… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I carry a flamethrower with me at all times just in case someone with bad breath comes too close. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In time your heart will heal. Have a little faith in your decision, I know it wasn't an easy one for you… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The only time I wish I was a fat guy is when I have to fight a fat guy. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I started pooping 10 times a day because it's where I come up with my best tweets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I blow my nose 10 time a day, if my nose were my penis I'd be in heaven. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Both my girlfriend AND wife are out of town this week! Time to go find some lucky lady to nibble on my… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when somebody has to explain the tweet they just posted. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Every time I see someone acting like a fucking idiot, I automatically assume they're Justin Beiber fan. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't wanna discuss about it - People who want to discuss about it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
