I wish my wife would blow me as much as she blows little things out of proportion. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My therapist thinks I'm arrogant. I'm sure he's just jealous because I'm funny & have so many followers on twitter. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, A sensible sort of a man -- he never thinks of romance and marriage; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If a girl takes the time to straighten her hair and you don't fall in love with her you're an asshole. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A girl will bring you breakfast in bed. A lady will be your breakfast in bed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Dear followers, I know that seeing my picture on your timeline makes your day so don't be selfish and make your followers'… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically Converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I had a bully as a kid. He was dyslexic, so he used to stick Me Kick signs on my back. Then… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
5% of all hearing loss is a result of sitting in a restaurant next to a table full of women who just… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I followed you on TWITTER because I'm secretly in love with you and I'm hoping this will help you realize that you… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVE, A temporary insanity curable by marriage or the removing of the patient from the influences under which he or she incurred… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know what would be fun? To have a set of twins, name them Dumbo and Goofy and then just sit back… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Alex Rodriguez never gets clutch hits in October, yet his fans insist on comparing him to Babe Ruth. So A-Rod tries to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They say gay people have gaydar, which lets them figure out who else is gay. Waiters in expensive restaurants have something similar,… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
After miraculously surviving two heart surgeries, pneumonia and a mild stroke, at 82 my grandfather was no longer able to care for… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was eating an orange the other day and a friend said, Did you know nothing rhymes with 'orange?' So, I threw… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What's His Name? We live… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't wanna discuss about it - People who want to discuss about it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
