Twitter Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 2

HUSBAND, PERFECT, is, in a man's second marriage, her first mate

— Nikhil Saluja

A fart is a wish your butt make.

— Nikhil Saluja

I read the newspaper every day just to see if there's anyone I know in the obituaries or the underwear ads.

— Nikhil Saluja

She watch Titanic for the love story. I watch it for one scene with boobs.

— Nikhil Saluja

Knowledge isn't power, cleavage is.

— Nikhil Saluja

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

— Nikhil Saluja

I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

— Nikhil Saluja

A wife is just an attachment men screw on the bed to get the housework done.

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel: Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice; takes care of business.

— Nikhil Saluja

I didn't give a fuck until I drank Red Bull. Now I don't give a flying fuck.

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've been banging my head against this wall for hours trying to figure out where all this blood is coming from!

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, A sensible sort of a man -- he never thinks of romance and marriage;

— Nikhil Saluja

You are you... when you are at peace with who you are not.

— Nikhil Saluja

I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.

— Nikhil Saluja

After cooking dinner tonight, I realized there is no straight way to wash a carrot.

— Nikhil Saluja

One day you are gonna retweet & star me like I retweet & star you, and just like you, I won't care.

— Nikhil Saluja

I would like to open a restaurant, call it the Marilyn Monroe Café, and put hundreds of pictures of Jeff Goldblum on…

— Nikhil Saluja

KISSING, An action that only marriage can transform from a pleasure to a duty

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes, the only thing left to do is to let go even if it's the hardest thing to do.

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends Over And over again that you love them.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are rich... when you never need more than what you have.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems.

— Nikhil Saluja

Man who keep feet firmly on ground, have trouble putting on pants. Woman who slides down banister, makes monkey shine.

— Nikhil Saluja

They say treat people the way you like to be treated. I say retweet people the way they retweet you!.

— Nikhil Saluja