Funny facebook status Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 18

Sometimes my wife and I like to spice things up in the bedroom & pretend we're a great couple who are still…

— Nikhil Saluja

Women. Can't live with them, can't finish this joke without having sex with them & then later sleep on couch.

— Nikhil Saluja

What was the first tweet of twitter? Probably about assholes coming soon.

— Nikhil Saluja

COMMUNISM : You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to be a knife-sharpener but I couldn't stand the daily grind.

— Nikhil Saluja

Life Insurance: A contract that leaves you poor while you live so you can die rich.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men...we spend nine months trying to get out of a vagina, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.

— Nikhil Saluja

For the 5th time: I don't wanna come to your cat's birthday party Freak! My dog is getting married that day!

— Nikhil Saluja

You can't be a little bit unfaithful any more than you can be a little bit pregnant.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'd get a lot more sleep if I didn't insist on reading the entire internet every night.

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa: Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful.

— Nikhil Saluja

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was…

— Nikhil Saluja

To the world you may be someone, but to someone you may be the world.

— Nikhil Saluja

A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

— Nikhil Saluja

Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively stupid?

— Nikhil Saluja

How we all always forget that there are more people helping the victims than those people creating the victims.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.

— Nikhil Saluja

Man who keep feet firmly on ground, have trouble putting on pants. Woman who slides down banister, makes monkey shine.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men are more likely to be struck by lightening than women. That means no storms occur in a kitchen.

— Nikhil Saluja

Give a compliment to a fat chick today, she'll literally remember you until the day she dies... Because elephants never forget.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:OF COURSE I LOVE YOU Woman means:just not in that way.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, A sensible sort of a man -- he never thinks of romance and marriage;

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl prepares your fridge football season. The woman just wants you on her tight end.

— Nikhil Saluja

If a girl takes the time to straighten her hair and you don't fall in love with her you're an asshole.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill.

— Nikhil Saluja

If my zipper is down, that's my problem, you didn't see anything!

— Nikhil Saluja

I drank so much beer that I feel like I can ejaculate a unicorn in full sprint.

— Nikhil Saluja

I wish my wife would blow me as much as she blows little things out of proportion.

— Nikhil Saluja

''SYMPATHY''... You can get from Anybody -- But...!! ''JEALOUSY''... You have to Earn it…!!!!!!!

— Nikhil Saluja

Tip: Speak English. Kiss French. Drive German. Dress Italian. Spend Arab. Party Caribbean.

— Nikhil Saluja

There are caregivers and there are caretakers, and yet the two words are not opposites. Why is this?

— Nikhil Saluja

Writing a tweet is not like impressing someone. Don't try too hard.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, PERFECT, is, in a man's second marriage, her first mate

— Nikhil Saluja

When it comes to sex, most women are like the government. All talk, no action.

— Nikhil Saluja

Of course my clothes are on the floor. I'm a guy, that is where I hang them.

— Nikhil Saluja

Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard. Pillow fight!!

— Nikhil Saluja

Even if women came with Terms & Conditions, you still wouldnt read them.

— Nikhil Saluja

I start remembering all the times you told me you loved me and all the moments you took my breath away.

— Nikhil Saluja