“A brick could be used to send a message. The quickest way to send it would be through the air, and it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to enslave humanity. No wait, a brick can’t do that—but the Masons can. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north! ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like love. But not my love, because my love is more like a blanket. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick can be used to represent a ruin, or the beginning of new construction. With a brick, the past is the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to tell the time. If you can see it it’s daytime, and if you can’t see it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to silence your critics. Think of it like a really thick and unchewy piece of chewing gum. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to sell new shoes to a man with no hands. I would say a brick could be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a time travel device. I didn’t say it would work well, and you’d say it didn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help you get used to the fact that you’ve been used. I’ve been used to, so… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like a used car salesman uses people. I know, because I used to sell cars. Well, technically… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a musical instrument. It doesn’t matter how bad it sounds, because I’ll be the band’s lead… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a key to unlock a door disguised as a brick wall. The security in the lock… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help you write the book you’ve always wanted to write. That is, if you wanted to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a stamp on a letter, to increase the weight and boost the cost and profitability of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to prop up a wobbly table—or an unstable relationship. I wish I’d have thought of that before… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to cut things. The duller the object, the sharper the user has to be to make it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a middle name. But who’d be dumb enough to do that, when it would clearly make… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to raise my spirits. I’m feeling low right now, low by about three inches. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used for bric-a-brac. If you bring the brick, I’ll bring the brac. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to create a new society, a perfect society, where there is no inequality, there are no laws,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stop a tornado, unlike a mobile home, which only acts like a tornado magnet and seems… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a color in a new line of lipstick, designed to woo the mason of every woman’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to squiggle your signature with. And while you’re in the autographing mood, why don’t you sign your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to raise your status as an upstanding citizen. Don’t get too excited, though. It’ll only raise you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as toilet paper—especially if you just shit a brick. You could shit and wipe your way to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to decorate the interior of your anus. Here, bend over and let me demonstrate. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help the needy. Giving a brick as a gift is a symbol showing you want to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to tell how hard the wind is blowing. If the wind blows the brick around, I’d get… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to measure the speed of gravity, but an apple offers a tastier option. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to monitor earthquakes. If the brick crumbles apart, you can bet an earthquake occurred. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to not be used. Is my hair waving in the wind, or are your eyes twitching? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to aid the lonely. Carry it with you, converse with it, and if you drink enough, you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to grow your annual income by a factor of four. What, you don’t believe me? Are you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to tell the world’s largest Yes what you really want to tell it, which is no. Tell… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to support a wobbly table. Who got that table drunk, anyway? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to crush the Fruit of Desire and make the Juice of Destiny. Drink it before I lose… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to dispel the very same lies that a blanket could be used to cover up. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
