“A brick could be used as a paperweight, if the words you wrote weren’t weighty enough to hold it down. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a measurement of time. Yes, just think how stylish you’ll look with a brick duct taped… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a basketball. And when you miss a shot, you can always shout, “Brick!” ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a fashion accessory. Or an accessory to murder. I believe the phrase is, "If looks could… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as Bigfoot. You know, as something the people can really believe in. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to better improve relations with your relatives. But if you’re going to play quarterback, you’d better be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in a manner most secret. But Shh! I can't tell you. What part about secret don't you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in a knee replacement surgery, to build back the wall separating man from a sub four-minute mile.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to bestow gratitude upon your favorite (or least favorite) politician. Let them know your approval level by… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to make the world safer for our children. Well, not our children, as I don't actually have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a status symbol, much like a Mercedes is now. The cool thing about a brick is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a replacement for an erection. Hey, I did it in the early 2000s, and I gave… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in place of B. Rick, who is sorry he couldn’t make it to this sentence. But he… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to say hello in a foreign language. Like most great words, it’d also have synonyms. One such… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to manipulate people into doing what you want. If anything could offer one man an unfair advantage… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to unite two long-lost brothers. They’ve been apart for six inches, and that’s entirely too long, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to make music. But why not use something more humane, like your armpit. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to illustrate your innocence. I can help you with that, because I brought a crayon. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick can and should be used as a telephone, because that way I won’t feel so bummed out that she never… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like the point where always meets never. I mean come on, who wouldn’t want to watch a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to represent a memory. That way when you live in a brick house, you could be living… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to make yourself taller. It’s like self-esteem, only easier to use in the construction of a house. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a device to deliver bad news. Sometimes it's better to be blunt. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like yellow sneezes hello every time love walks like a slinky down the stairs. Who used my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stop people from reading my book. Just place the brick on the book’s cover, to discourage… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to start a civil war. And then that same brick could be used to start building the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to declare war on a country made of glass. I’ll bet those citizens would love to drink… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a bottle opener. Just don’t smash down too hard, or you’ll shatter the bottle. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to change the channel on a TV. Or at least turn it off—permanently. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as motivation to acquire more bricks. Hey, I’m just trying to help here. Don’t shut me out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to wipe your ass with. You know, if you already live someplace shitty. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a doorstop. But why bother? To promote an open-door policy, I had all the walls knocked… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick can be used as a nickname for people who are slow, both physically and intellectually. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to send Satan back from whence he came. But where did he come from? Probably Washington DC. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to make love better. Faster isn’t always better. Don’t you want to make love better? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to sell tickets to a new sport called Glurping. If you think it sounds disgusting now, wait… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a child’s game to improve memory. I forgot how exactly, but then I never played much.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to dink like a dunk, if the thunk of the think has enough verticalocity to it. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to enhance your social status. Just affix it to the hood of your car, like a Mercedes… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to enhance your sex life. So what are you waiting for? Get that gerbil out of your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
