“A brick could be used to keep your sandwich pressed down, so your meat doesn't spill out. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as 1,2, and 4. But not 3. No, 3 is too holy for a brick. 3 is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used for job security, like an employment paperweight. Hey, in this economic depression, I’ll take anything I can… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to crush the dreams of the little guy. Especially if that little guy’s dreams are roach like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to flavor your bathtub water, and raise the fluid level, so you perceive that you have more… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a trophy, and when you get yours, believe me, you’ll have earned it. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a floating object that dispensed fresh water, if only it were lighter and shaped like a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a paperweight, for people whose writing isn’t as dense or weighty as mine. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a hammer, which frees up the hammer to be used as a sex toy. The only… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used measure the volume of love in any given bathtub. But for the test to be accurate, I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to perpetually feed the hungry, stop all wars, educate the masses, and ensure everlasting peace for all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used for good, or for evil. The Brick of Creation, or the Brick of Destruction. While you’re deep… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help you become the next Great American Novelist. Hopefully after you use it to crack your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a blanket, and a blanket could be used as a brick, but not very well and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a response when the cops ask you if you murdered your mother-in-law. Forget yes or no.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to simulate a war opponent. Especially if your nemesis is paraplegic and without transportation. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to assuage your sense that life isn't real. Hold it in your hands and say, This is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep you warm at night, in the same way that a blanket could be used to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a period on a really large sentence. A blanket could be used as a really large… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to let that special someone in your life know how much you love them. Instead of tossing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to balance work and play. Just place the brick on the top of your head, and don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to sell pepper to people in the salt mines. So while you’re busy selling pepper to the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to crush grapes. If that sounds unnecessarily cruel, then I guess you wouldn’t like to pour you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to measure water levels through what scientists call hydrostatics. If you throw a brick into the ocean,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to show support for your favorite team. They want to crush their opponents, and if you’ve got… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to separate two types of people. On the left is a guy who loves my writing, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to replace the brother you never had. Well, it’s only a possibility, but you probably won’t like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to show how patient you are. Somewhere between one brick and a million bricks lies a home.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to knock out the tooth of a giant, and then used as a replacement for that very… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to sell war to the peacemongers. The trick is to sell war cheap, because the real profit… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to keep thieves away from your house. Just set a brick outside your front door, and you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a weight to keep the cardboard cutout of the Federal Government from blowing over. Well, at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to brighten up your day, like a lampshade over the sun dangling down over your dining room… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to illustrate the seriousness of the situation. You’ll know I’m not playing when I display a brick.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stop time. I did it once at my uncle’s house, and I nearly wrecked the universe.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a substitute for my father. I hate to admit it, but I think a brick would… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like a fleeglebeegle, which in turn could be used like a zoopkatofka, which itself could be used… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
