“I’d Poe’s nude for the approval of a dead poet. No names come to mind, but I’m sure there must be one… — Jarod Kintz Poetry Copy Share Image
“I’d make a great politician. I’d make it out of pig shit, so it wouldn’t be as foul as it is now.” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“If kids six and under eat free, then I’m an infant. Or at least infantile. Bring on the steaks.” — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“On my recent trip to Washington DC, I wore a hat I made out of a tin funnel that I covered with… — Jarod Kintz Washington dc Copy Share Image
“If my last name were Drinkfood, I’d pour you a hot cup of spaghetti. And if my last name were Eatdrink, I’d… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a container full of yelling I keep in my kitchen. It makes a great cleaning product, as it’s wonderfully abrasive.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This is the true story of my life, as told by a complete liar (me). While that sounds like an honest statement,… — Jarod Kintz Half empty Copy Share Image
“A blanket (twin, full, or queen-sized) could be placed squarely over the state of Rhode Island, and there’d still be enough blanket… — Jarod Kintz Rhode island Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used like so many poor people get used and then thrown away like a sack of baloney that’s… — Jarod Kintz Poor people Copy Share Image
“I wish I could bottle up my penis and sell it at a garage sale. But first I need to get a… — Jarod Kintz Garage sale Copy Share Image
“I prefer kissing over dinner. Not that I prefer kissing to dinner, but I prefer kissing over the plate containing my dinner,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m sleepin’ in your pee pee, and I’m dreaming of what could be.” That’s just the chorus of a little love song… — Jarod Kintz Little love Copy Share Image
“I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills. ” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I sat down to think. I didn’t want to drink my coffee, but I paid for it, so I thought I might… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s sad when people want to wear out a perfectly good last name when they don’t have any other pants. Idea for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A good server knows how to be seen, yet remain invisible. I was a great server, and I achieved invisibility by never… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in the back part of a director’s last name, to make an epic space odyssey. ” — Jarod Kintz Space odyssey Copy Share Image
“A shiny metallic fridge is like a mini skyscraper. And the guy in my fridge, he’s like the janitor of the skyscraper.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stop the tears. The inside of my jeans’ pockets look suspiciously like handkerchiefs. Here, let me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dreamland, I couldn’t stay away, because I couldn’t stay awake. I traveled there in my sleep, at 65 miles per hour, while… — Jarod Kintz Sleep Copy Share Image
“I don’t know how to make a U Turn. It’s so curvy and it’s already completely turned. Now a straight line, like… — Jarod Kintz Straight line Copy Share Image
“A blanket, when taken to the top of a mountain and laid flat, could be painted orange and used as a landing… — Jarod Kintz Construction work Copy Share Image
“I’ll wipe a booger on your wall, not only to say I was here, but also to say thanks for having me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The diner was more twiner than Twain, and I found a mustache in my soup. Maybe it was Mark’s. I guess that’s… — Jarod Kintz Last time Copy Share Image
“I always wear size 14 boat shoes that are so old they could have been built by Noah.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The number I had for her didn’t work. But in this depression, could you blame it?” — Jarod Kintz Depression Copy Share Image
“I’d rather ride a unicorn than a unicycle. But my enemies, they could all ride a unicycle with a horn instead of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have aspirations of becoming the first man to put on a chicken suit, cross the road, and then explain my motives… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“Watching two cows have sex is the most magical experience at Cereal Land.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For dinner I had seared sneer with a glaze of distant gaze, and a side of mashed pride covered in grace.” — Jarod Kintz Nature of Beauty Copy Share Image
“I keep my love in the fridge, next to my meat, because you simply can’t beat it.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“When I was a little boy, I used to work in a sweatshop. We made deodorant.” — Jarod Kintz Little Boy Copy Share Image
“With the rising cost of food, either the portions get smaller, or the quality gets inferior. So, for example, pizza that used… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
