“Have you ever wanted to learn Geometry, Calculus, Physics, German, and the mystical teachings of Orafoura? Well, now you can! Just not… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“I’m hiding in plain sight. I’m right behind my clone.” — Jarod Kintz Hiding in plain sight Copy Share Image
“The wall of silence that exists between us is as long as the Great Wall of China. And though it’s the same… — Jarod Kintz Silence Copy Share Image
“He offered to pay me in agriculture, and I said I didn’t want that, I want money. I told him agriculture won’t… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“I’ve found newspapers only useful as kindling material for campfires. It’s been said that newspaper articles are written at a fifth grade… — Jarod Kintz Fifth grade Copy Share Image
“Probably when people hear our national anthem they think of me. A real American hero.” — Jarod Kintz American hero Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to tell how hard the wind is blowing. If the wind blows the brick around, I’d get… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My first coaching experience led to a 77-0 defeat. But that’s not so bad, considering I taught the team one important thing:… — Jarod Kintz Failure Copy Share Image
“My ears are as blind as my eyes are deaf. But my nose, it can see the truth, except when I block… — Jarod Kintz Truth Copy Share Image
“The day I moved down to Ocala the streets were empty. It’s like the city hosted an anti-parade for me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to stop the bleeding. But dammit you’re going to have to hurry, before I bleed out all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were a number, I’d want to have sextillion with you.” — Jarod Kintz Mathematics Copy Share Image
“I don’t have to tell you, “I don’t have to tell you” before telling you something I don’t have to tell you.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m too horny tonight to be productive. Right now the only thing I could make is love. And then I wouldn’t be… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“When someone tells me they don’t read, I like to walk up to them and stroke their hair, pet it really, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What is it about money that makes people kill for it? I’ll have to think about that next time I do it.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover up my leftover meatloaf. But I’m not interested in covering things up. Who do you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Here’s a list of three character qualities women should look for in a guy, in descending order: Looks like me, thinks like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wanted to study graphic design, because I wanted to work in an office with designer desks, ergonomic chairs, pool tables, and… — Jarod Kintz Education Copy Share Image
“But back to the coffee. I was here on a mission. I just spent nearly five bucks I didn’t have for some… — Jarod Kintz Goals Copy Share Image
“If a handicapped woman says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask her if that includes parking.” — Jarod Kintz Friendship Copy Share Image
“Online social networks are cups. Nobody cares which cup they drink from—they only care about the beverage inside, the content. When you… — Jarod Kintz Happiness Copy Share Image
“Every morning I think: What’s the latest I can sleep in ‘til, and still be on time for work? Well, I used… — Jarod Kintz Every day Copy Share Image
“There’s no way to tell you the bad news without saying it, so I’ll say it with body language.” — Jarod Kintz Bad news Copy Share Image
“I always keep a spare set of keys in a spare set of pants that are folded up and stuffed in my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to let that special someone in your life know how much you love them. Instead of tossing… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“If I hung out with my clones all the time, would I be introverted or extroverted?” — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“Only cowards never tire of cowering. I try to milk the cower for all it’s worth.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like to get to-go boxes at restaurants where not only did I not eat in, but apparently their patrons didn’t either,… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“I’d rather fake my own fog, than fake a steamy love scene. Can I interest you in some mist? It’s homemade.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Selling flesh-tearing torture devices for more than $55,555 dollars, now that’s what I call a rip off. That’s why I’ll limit myself… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as… — Jarod Kintz Human cloning Copy Share Image
“The spirit is tied to the brain—for the brain makes us who we are. So if our spirit lives after death, so… — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“The Nile crashed in the Amazon while being piloted by Miss Ississippi.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My uncle just dropped in to see me, but his parachute didn't open up. So now we're waiting on the ambulance to… — Jarod Kintz Gas prices Copy Share Image
“I went through and underlined all the funny lines in his book, and by the time I was done, I had underlined… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“He’s dead. I don’t celebrate who he was, but who he isn’t. He isn’t alive, and that is a great reason to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
