“I won’t pick up your bad habits. They look heavy and I’ve got a bad back. Plus, I have my own bad… — Jarod Kintz Bad habit Copy Share Image
“Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans.” — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“I’m stoic like a statue of Stonewall Jackson. I’d make a great U.S. President, but I’d make an even better chiseled piece… — Jarod Kintz Stoicism Copy Share Image
“My stomach is my locker. Let me store your lunch for you. You’ll get it back, it’ll just be squishy, brown, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m more terrified of failure than rejection—so I’ll no my way to YES!” — Jarod Kintz Failure Copy Share Image
“The most the average person probably reads in a day is a STOP sign or two. And based on how people drive… — Jarod Kintz Average person Copy Share Image
“The people need to know that the people need to know. And I’m just the man to let them know that they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Hey, turn down the volume on your “How To Make Love Like Lucifer Hand Guide Volume II” audio book a little bit.… — Jarod Kintz Fire Copy Share Image
“With my wedding photography business, I want repeat customers. So hooray for divorce! That’s why I take lots of pictures—of cheating spouses.” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“Art books are filled with interesting images. And that’s cool and all, but I look more for the nudes.” — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“Everybody should have their own personal logo. Mine is a smiley face that’s winking, as if I’m passing on secret knowledge. But… — Jarod Kintz Smiley face Copy Share Image
“I want to kidnap kids and force them to take useless tests all day long. Wait, that’s what our public education system… — Jarod Kintz Education Copy Share Image
“I’d rather play with small quantities of large people than large quantities of small people.” — Jarod Kintz Small people Copy Share Image
“Love tip # 29: Increase your chances of getting to second date by not having stinky garlic breath during the end of… — Jarod Kintz First date Copy Share Image
“Fighting and dancing are kind of related. Especially if you dance with another man’s woman.” — Jarod Kintz Another man Copy Share Image
“Maybe I could hear better if my ears weren’t flipped inside out. Unlike a cat’s ears, you can’t tell mine are flipped… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I said green was blue and yellow, and you said green was yellow and blue. You… — Jarod Kintz Blue and yellow Copy Share Image
“I can’t tell you how much I love @Gatorade. Wait, I’m sorry. I always get Gatorade and Windex mixed up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can play the trumpet, but only if I have a sufficient quantity of anal lube.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I watch silent movies on mute. But only for the dialogue.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I used to date an older obese woman named Ten, but everyone just called her "X". Now I just call her ex… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The future seems so crowded to me. All I see is me, me, me, me, me and a million other clones of… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“It’s the same with cell phones. I never answer them up to my ear. I always put it on speakerphone and hold… — Jarod Kintz Cell phone Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to create a new society, a perfect society, where there is no inequality, there are no laws,… — Jarod Kintz Perfect society Copy Share Image
“Politicians think the only way out of a hole is to keep digging.” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
