“I’d like to wade through all the people named Wade in this city, and personally call all of them to congratulate them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket walk into a bar. And I don’t drink, so I wasn’t around to hear the interaction between… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“After about eight hours, I lose my focus and all of the sudden I find myself not being able to sleep at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to feed the homeless. I mean warm the coldless. I mean coldsome. I wouldn’t know, because I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Crying about the economy is a strategy. It won’t get you a job, but it will keep Kleenex in business.” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I’d drive a thousand miles just to learn how to conserve gas and help save the environment. But that’s just who I… — Jarod Kintz Save the environment Copy Share Image
“He’ll think I’ll do it, he’ll act like I’ll do it, and so I will do it. But if he will think… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On a scale of 1 to extroverted, I’m a 3.14159. So is pi. I network like “the ratio of a circle's circumference… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She tried to insult me in front of the whole party. So what could I do but yawn and walk away?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to motivate. Just hold it up as an example of something that’s going nowhere in life. ” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“The best part about bowling is pouring in the cereal and the milk. I’ve always believed bowlers make better lovers, because of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My favorite flower is the tulip. I’m crazy like Holland about them. I’ll even pay as much as $1,637 for one.” — Jarod Kintz Flower Copy Share Image
“I can’t marry a bisexual woman, because she might be having an affair with the same person I’m having an affair with.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For me, TV and broke go together. Not as in, The TV is broken, but more of noticing that most people who… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Poe is to poetry what I am to duck farming. You can quote me on that. And if that’s not good enough,… — Jarod Kintz Duck Copy Share Image
“If I ever get a 20-dollar bill, I like to convert it into 20 singles, because women like guys with lots of money. ” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“I met a man from Columbia who had a table for a back. I asked if it was a coffee table. He… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like Atlantis, OK? And I’m just a humble scuba diver searching for treasure that I can exchange for sexual favors.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“My baby nephew is a real ladies man. He doesn't need to pick up women. They pick him up.” — Jarod Kintz Ladies man Copy Share Image
“A feather taped to a vibrator is a tickling machine to induce hunger, and NOT a sex toy. So you won’t have… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t the last thing on my mind. The last thing on my mind is my skull.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Why do old people drive slow? They have the least amount of time left on earth, so you’d think they’d drive the… — Jarod Kintz Little time Copy Share Image
“Silverware should have rubber grip handles, like bicycles have. Especially for eating fast food. ” — Jarod Kintz Fast food Copy Share Image
