“Is love the cereal or is love the milk? Neither. Love is the spoon.” — Jarod Kintz Cereal Copy Share Image
“I don’t like dirt, because nothing is dirtier. Except politics. ” — Jarod Kintz Dirt Copy Share Image
“When I talk about love, people listen. And when I listen about love, people talk.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
Its what you do in your free time that will set you freeor enslave you.¨ — Jarod Kintz Enslave Copy Share Image
“To me, life is sad, like a piano with no pedals being played by a person with no fingers. ” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“My name is spelled “Spelled,” but it’s pronounced “Pronounced.” — Jarod Kintz Spelled Copy Share Image
“For the time being I’ll be a being in time. And when I die, I’ll happily be compost for a greener world.” — Jarod Kintz Compost Copy Share Image
“I want to wow you with my loudness. I wish I could turn down your job offer, because it’s hurting my ears.” — Jarod Kintz Loudness Copy Share Image
“With four tires on every car in the world, there’s too much rubber. All the Johns should take the condoms off their… — Jarod Kintz Rubber Copy Share Image
“If I spent ten years in prison, I’d probably come to value the small things in life. Things like good food, a… — Jarod Kintz Good food Copy Share Image
“The year you were born marks only your entry into the world. Other years where you prove your worth, they are the… — Jarod Kintz Celebrating Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to put out a fire. Unless that fire is in your heart, and you simply refuse to… — Jarod Kintz Blanket Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If Socrates had a clone, would he advise that clone to know thy self, or to know myself,… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“When I found him lying in the ditch holding a shovel, I thought he was sleeping on the job. Turns out he… — Jarod Kintz Ditch Copy Share Image
“I collect the most valuable thing in the world—free time. But unlike other priceless things, I don’t need a safe to keep… — Jarod Kintz Collect Copy Share Image
“When trying to find the words to tell her how much I loved her, I stumbled across the ingredients for grilled cheese… — Jarod Kintz Grilled cheese Copy Share Image
“Last weekend I went out of my comfort zone to go hang out with people I’d only heard about, and I met… — Jarod Kintz Comfort zone Copy Share Image
“A brick could replace the eagle as the symbol for the United States of America. And why not? A brick just sort… — Jarod Kintz Brick Copy Share Image
“I was laughing in the park, when I saw some fool throwing what I thought was a bomb. It turned out to… — Jarod Kintz Terrorist Throws Copy Share Image
“If you’re wearing a space suit, I’ll take a unicrescent sandwich; hold the mayonnaise—and the moon. (But don’t hold it in your… — Jarod Kintz Mayonnaise Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help you become the next Great American Novelist. Hopefully after you use it to crack your… — Jarod Kintz Brick Copy Share Image
“Thor pushes the empty wheelbarrow by me and I decide to say something. “Wheelbarrows are great, huh? They make even the lightest… — Jarod Kintz Wheelbarrows Copy Share Image
“If you catch me talking in my sleep, your conversation bored me.” — Jarod Kintz Bored Copy Share Image
“I’m a tiger made out of a paper towel, and I’m going to wipe you out.” — Jarod Kintz Tiger Copy Share Image
“Your deodorant smells like my armpit. And yet I get no royalty from the manufacturer.” — Jarod Kintz Deodorant Copy Share Image
“Like a river, I’m going to meander through the party. Will you be my canoe? ” — Jarod Kintz River Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like sandpaper, to smooth out a cat’s rough tongue. ” — Jarod Kintz Sandpaper Copy Share Image
“My teeth are filthy, so to impress my dentist I compensate by wearing too much cologne.” — Jarod Kintz Teeth Filthy Copy Share Image
I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails. — Jarod Kintz Fingernails Copy Share Image
“I’m trying to overcome my OCD by replacing my neurosis with three other letters.” — Jarod Kintz Trying Overcome Copy Share Image
“If I tell you I want to be a door-to-door salesman, don’t knock it. ” — Jarod Kintz Salesman Copy Share Image
“I’ll tell you about love on one condition: that you give it to me unconditionally.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously it was a small nap. ” — Jarod Kintz Napkin Copy Share Image
“When I go on a drive, I like to listen to “Drive,” by The Cars.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I have a real problem keeping friends. I'm always running out of space in my freezer.” — Jarod Kintz Freezer Copy Share Image
