“Some people talk nonstop and manage to say nothing at all. Other people are more efficient and manage to say nothing at… — Jarod Kintz People Talk Copy Share Image
“If I worked at a Laundromat, I’d steal money, and if I worked at a bank, I’d steal clothes.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“If I were facing a firing squad, I’d ask them to hold on just one second, because I have a wedgie and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My wife must be stupid. I mean, look, she married me, didn’t she?” — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to deny you your dreams. And a blanket could be used as a gateway to all your… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I’m so excited and lonely all at once. Just once. Not twice, because that’d be a couple, and couple’s can’t be lonely. ” — Jarod Kintz Loneliness Copy Share Image
“I bought two items to get a third free, and then I returned the two. I should be Shopper of the Year” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The equator is a sign of equality, splitting the earth into two equal halves. Unfortunately, the equator also splits the earth into… — Jarod Kintz East and west Copy Share Image
“I can’t offer you anything to drink, but I can offer you an excuse. Would you like ice with it?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was an at-risk youth. I was in danger of becoming an adult.” — Jarod Kintz Becoming an adult Copy Share Image
“3.5 billion men in the world all share one I love you. That’s why men rarely say it, because there is only… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The first two letters of her name were M and E and I thought, Yes! Finally, a name I can relate to.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I must be a great leader because many people follow me. Most of the people are police officers, if that gives you… — Jarod Kintz Great leader Copy Share Image
“I didn’t call her, but the phone works two ways. So does my love.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Would you rather be affluent, or influential? I’d rather be fluent in the language of love.” — Jarod Kintz Language of love Copy Share Image
“Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil. Next time, go all out and write in Lucifer on… — Jarod Kintz Next time Copy Share Image
“I put the yes in eyes. Except when I blink, because that’s definitely a no action.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to increase your annual sales. But before you can sell, you’ve got to buy. For just $9.99… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The future is right around the corner from a bar called, “Yesterdays.” I know, I work there every tomorrow.” — Jarod Kintz Around the corner Copy Share Image
“I threw out my sausage, and replaced it with a healthier penis metaphor, like a cucumber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to tell you I love you. You know I do. And I’m not just saying that because… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If taxis were patriotic symbols, I’d flag one down on the Fourth of July.” — Jarod Kintz Fourth Of July Copy Share Image
“-I don’t want you to do anything. -Well then I won’t do anything. -Thank you. -Doing nothing, it’s the least I can… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Scars exist to show that I existed. I myself don’t have any scars, but every single one of my friends has a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
