“He had a last name for a first name, a first name for a last name, and an erection the size of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my life’s work could fit on a stamp, I’d want you to lick it before I die.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“Are there any sleeping jobs, because I have a lot of experience. Years and years, actually. And with on the job training,… — Jarod Kintz Fitness Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to illustrate your innocence. I can help you with that, because I brought a crayon. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Mr. Bass, would you say you fish a lot? Or do you prefer strumming stringed instruments?” — Jarod Kintz Music making Copy Share Image
“The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to call some plays.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You don’t need to windup the wind to keep it going. It’s the same with my erection. All you need is two… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were circular, like a yawn, and I were dynamic and geometric, like an isosceles triangle, would you take me to… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If my name were Oscar, I’d want to be an actor and win my namesake award and take back my identity.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I won’t ever walk out on my woman, not even if she gives me Gatorade and says I’m good to go.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A guy I grew up with recently died. I attended his funeral, but only because I thought there’d be free food afterwards.… — Jarod Kintz Free food Copy Share Image
“She was in Tennessee, and I was in Florida, and she said, “You’re too far away!” And I said, “I know. My… — Jarod Kintz Too far Copy Share Image
“The mountains are where God proves He’s better than Michelangelo at sculpting.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If facial expressions had fur, then I’d snuggle your sneer. It’s so ugly it’s cute, like one of those little dogs, the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A meme, what is it? Is it a doubly selfish cultural reference that’s all about me and me (my clone)?” — Jarod Kintz Selfishness Copy Share Image
“If my initials were Y.E.S., I’d probably go around smiling all the time.” — Jarod Kintz Smiling Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as 1,2, and 4. But not 3. No, 3 is too holy for a brick. 3 is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I could have thought up a lot of things, but many great people had to go and live before me. They might… — Jarod Kintz Great people Copy Share Image
“Having a job is tricky. You don't want to be so productive that you make your coworkers appear like slackers, and you… — Jarod Kintz Coworkers Copy Share Image
“Growing up, my mom made dinner every night. Usually this would be a large salad with kale, carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers, all organic… — Jarod Kintz Every night Copy Share Image
“I am the egg salad sandwich of love. The only problem is, I’m in the mood for a tuna fish sandwich—hold the… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I think the perfect pen name is Quill McSeagull. Especially for writing flights of fancy—and nothing has more feathers than a love… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“People are like puzzles. Especially interconnected people, like Siamese twins.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
