“I’m a murderer. I killed the conversation. She said she loved me, and I said, “If you love me, wait until you… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“You can tell a lot about a man by his shoes, like if he’s barefoot or not.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I stood in the doorway pondering the difference between naked and nude, and the pizza delivery guy probably wondered if I was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I woke up naked in bed with a strange British woman, my first thought would be, “How’d I get in England?”… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Rather than dirt, I’d rather push a wheelbarrow full of books. Dirty books.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“I’m not a bicycle. Don’t try to ride me and leave me in the garage. I’m a treadmill. Walk on me and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For just over my price range, I can get something way under my quality expectation level. Thanks, inflation!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t be jealous if I spend 50% of my time with you, and 50% of my time with others, because you get… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“Half of what I write is garbage, but if I don't write it down it decomposes in my head.” — Jarod Kintz Writing Copy Share Image
“I want instant coffee at the snap of my fingers that gives me more energy than that generated by a million snaps.” — Jarod Kintz Instant coffee Copy Share Image
“I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?” — Jarod Kintz Distance Relationships Copy Share Image
“Ninety minutes of pure naughty (limit 30 minutes per customer). *No clones or triplets allowed!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Just because you don’t have an arrest record doesn’t mean you’re not a criminal. As proof, note some of the cleanest rap… — Jarod Kintz Crime Copy Share Image
“Don’t be surprised if I try to stab you with a club sandwich sword. I will defend your right to free speech… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I didn’t chug the hairspray because I’m an alcoholic. I drank it to style my throat hairs.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick can be used to represent a ruin, or the beginning of new construction. With a brick, the past is the… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“I write my name on my underwear. Of course, I have to first cross out the name of the previous owner. (Most… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I could tell I loved her from the moment I saw her, right after she opened the trunk, untied me, and took… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“My love is as blue as the sky, and if I had to attach a time to it I’d say midnight.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to tell the world’s largest Yes what you really want to tell it, which is no. Tell… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Hardly anybody tells the truth these days. For the truth I have to go to Washington DC, and whatever a politician says,… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
